lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're too hungover to prance.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
