Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
