I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
