tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
