Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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