Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
