yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
