My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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