Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize