one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
