You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sarcasm needs its own font
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
