I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
