I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
