His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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