Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
