Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
