If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
