just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
