so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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