No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
