so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
