yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
