I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
