And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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