I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
