Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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