well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
