Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
