...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
