Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize