i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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