At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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