Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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