Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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