I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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