Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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