discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
