Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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