I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
