I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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