i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize