Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
