hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i will never coherently bang her
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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