You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
