So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
