I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
