those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
