My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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