I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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