I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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