i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
