dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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