Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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