I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize