Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
