It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
