I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
