I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
