My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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