Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize