New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
