She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
