i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The struggles of a small town man whore
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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