it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
