the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
