The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
