I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
