i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
