He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
